Separation Anxiety

I thought I had it bad when Piper was a babe, but Willow is another story. We like to sing, "Might as well face it, she's addicted to mom." She has always been a momma's girl, but lately, is has become out of control. I know it's the age (she will be ONE in a couple weeks) and separation anxiety is common, but it is exhausting. Literally, she is crying right now. At 10:23PM, in her bed, after I've put her to bed 3 times. I've sang to her, rocked her, scratched her back and rubbed her head, the child hates sleeping in her own bed. She was doing pretty good for a while, she finally slept through the night at 10 months. I'm tired. I've tried everything, the aforementioned routine, crying it out...you name it, I've tried it. The only thing that will make her happy is sleeping with me. We did that in the beginning, but I just can't do it anymore. I need sleep, not to mention she is SUPER mobile and could fall out of the bed at any time. It's just not working for us anymore. Night time is not the only issue. She follows me around crying, literally pulling at my pant legs. She freaks if I put her down and she isn't ready. If I'm in the room, I am the only thing that will console her. Some days are better than others and she does like to play and toddle around. It seems more often than not lately, she is Clingy-McClingerson.

I have to constantly remind myself that she is still a tiny human. She NEEDS me to be there for her and give her the attention and affection that she craves. There are times that I want to say, WTF child...what else can I possibly do for you. Then I remember that she has no control over her emotions. She does not have the mental capacity to understand what she is feeling. Piper was similar in this regard. She cried A LOT. She wanted to me hold her ALL the time. The only difference is that Piper slept like a champ (at least in her own bed). I knew with Piper that after I put her down, I was home free. Now, with Willow, I'm on my toes just waiting for her to wake up screaming; you know, right as I flick off the bedside lamp and lay my head down. I know this will pass and I probably won't remember this time in a few years just like I don't dwell on those moments with Piper (who is independent and social now), but currently it is super hard.

Sometimes I think a lot of these feelings come from the intense pressure we put on ourselves and on our kids. I think we expect a lot out of our little ones these days. What should we expect from our tiny humans? Why do we expect them to be so independent so soon. Here Willow, here's a cup of coffee and a copy of Leviathan, now leave me alone! Maybe if I cut them slack, I wouldn't be stressed and exhausted. Maybe if I didn't spend my days lamenting over the fact that I have to carry Willow around most of the day or scratch her back until she falls asleep, I could see more joy in my days spent with my kids. I mean, I'm 26 years old and I still ask Ian to scratch my back until I fall asleep. Willow has been on this earth for 347 days, why should she be any different?

This may seem like I'm complaining because I actually have to hold my child...that's not my intention. My children bring me intense joy...but as other stay-at-home-moms can attest, some days are really freaking hard. Some days are a breeze and fly by with laughter and ease! Other days are never-ending and no matter what we do our kids are just not happy. We can easily get caught up in the muck of staying at home. Lately I've been trying really hard to not focus on that muck, but enjoy every moment with my kids. Instead of being annoyed that Willow woke up...again...I focus on her chubby little cheeks pressed up against mine and her little-tiny hand falling limp on my arm, and trying to remember that she is growing and won't always need me like she does now. Someday she won't even let me rock her to sleep, like Piper. Sometimes Piper puts herself to bed and basically pushes me out of her room. I ask her to snuggle with me and she rolls over, says goodnight and reminds me to leave the door cracked.